External Control Language

Becoming aware of our language is an important part of learning to implement Choice Theory in our lives. We are immersed in a world where people use blaming and threatening language to get what they want.  We often unconsciously use language that comes from external control.   

Some of the words we use out of habit include the following.

Made me  

"She made me angry"  "It makes me..."

Katy Perry's song "The One That Got Away" has a chorus that says

And in another life, I would make you stay, 
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away


In essence we cannot make someone do something that they don't want to do

Have to     

 "Firstly you have to ..."   "He has to be..." 

Sarah Mclachlan in her song “Do What You Have To Do” says

I know I can't be with you, 
 I do what I have to do

We are surrounded by external control language.  Bringing to a conscious level what we are saying is the first step eliminating these words from our vocabulary.

Making the difference

A young mum who, with her husband had taken over the family farm, put in a nutshell the difference between schools that adapt the philosophy of internal motivation versus external motivation.    

She had grown up on the farm and was used to the daily tasks of farming. 

She said “It is so different now, being a farmer instead of a teenager on the farm.  When I was growing up I just did what dad told me to do.  Now I have the responsibility of the decisions and I love it.”

This is the essence of the Glasser Quality School classroom.  In a school where external motivation is used, the students do (sometimes) what the teacher tells them to do.  In a school based on internal motivation the students take responsibility for their choices and do the work because it adds quality to their lives. 

As teachers, if we make all the decisions and always tell students what to do, they do not develop the sense of ownership and joy in learning that students attending a Glasser Quality School do.

In the daily tasks on a large farm, the owners would constantly be self-evaluating; the best way to achieve the desired results; the outcomes of their work; the amount that they have achieved and the work still to be done.  

These minute-by-minute decisions make the difference between failing and succeeding both on the farm and in the classroom.