External Control Language

Becoming aware of our language is an important part of learning to implement Choice Theory in our lives. We are immersed in a world where people use blaming and threatening language to get what they want.  We often unconsciously use language that comes from external control.   

Some of the words we use out of habit include the following.

Made me  

"She made me angry"  "It makes me..."

Katy Perry's song "The One That Got Away" has a chorus that says

And in another life, I would make you stay, 
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away


In essence we cannot make someone do something that they don't want to do

Have to     

 "Firstly you have to ..."   "He has to be..." 

Sarah Mclachlan in her song “Do What You Have To Do” says

I know I can't be with you, 
 I do what I have to do

We are surrounded by external control language.  Bringing to a conscious level what we are saying is the first step eliminating these words from our vocabulary.

Happiness

A fascinating study of 180 School Sisters of Notre Dame nuns, all born before 1919 has some interesting findings.  In his book “The Happiness Advantage” Shawn Achor describes the process that researchers used to track the positive emotional diary writings over 50 years.  The nuns who had a high level of positivity lived ten years longer than the ones who were negative.  By age 85, 90% of the “happy” nuns were still alive as compared with 34% of the least happy nuns.  This is pretty convincing evidence of the need to maintain a positive way of being in the world. If the nuns were all faced with the same life choices, it would be interesting to ponder why some chose to happiness over unhappiness.

We know that the feelings feed into the physiology and that illness often results if there are prolonged negative feelings. Helping people understand Choice Theory and by using Reality Therapy with people in need we can help them to live a more balanced life, and remain healthier and happier.