Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Ah The Freedom to STAY me!

Saturday mornings, supermarkets and small children are never a good mix. It’s only a matter of time before someone’s child unleashes a vent of unrelenting fury from an overwrought and unappreciated parent dealing with just too much. Last Saturday, on an unexpected venture into madness, I witnessed another of these surges of rage. What caught my attention though was the look of apparent serenity on the daughter’s face. Her mum had lost control and was spitting missiles and tossing grenades but the girl seemed to have tuned out. “Wow,” I thought, “that is quite a skill.”

It reminded me of a friend who has an overbearing father. He used to drive her crazy. He used to be ‘in her face’, telling her what to do, giving his unsolicited opinion, offering advice on everything. I say ‘used to be’ because I have watched her over the years manage herself to the point he has backed right off. They never had an argument, in fact she has never addressed him directly about it – she just managed not to react, stay on track and gently persist until she got what she wanted. And I found myself thinking, “How does she pull that off?”

Until recently I’d only met a handful of people who would manage to maintain that space. I recall an intense meeting where the stakeholders came with knives barely sheathed and which would have turned into a bloodbath but for the rock solid centeredness of one operator. Despite the accusations, unstated agendas and bath of criticism, he remained utterly untouched. In fact, even better than that he could see through the battle to a position of peace and collaboration. As the meeting progressed his centeredness touched others – rather than the other way round – and drew the stakeholders to a balanced position ready for an alliance rather than a war. The outcome was satisfying but what intrigued me was...”How did he do that?”

Road rage, automated teleresponders, criticism from a loved one, the silent treatment..

I know what presses my buttons. I’ve seen what presses buttons for others

But there are some people who don’t seem to have buttons... is there a way to become one of those?

Because if there is ... just imagine what it could be worth...

What would it be worth to you...

  • To be released from the grief of being pushed around by other people
  • To be able to remain calm, centred and unflustered
  • To be able to protect your boundaries
    ...no matter what others dish up?

I have been on a 20 year quest, to work out precisely how they do that...
I wandered through Jung, Myers Briggs, NLP, meditation, various forms of spirituality, and countless popular psychology books... and then... ¾ of the way though my Doctorate... I discovered someone who embodied this ability, and knew why... she was an instructor of Choice Theory.

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