What a Day!

Sometimes you just have one of those days! this is how it went:

Had to get up at 4am for a 6.10 flight to Adelaide.

Couldn't find remote control for garage door, backed into son's car in driveway.

Arrive at airport, just miss bus from long term parking area to terminal.

Run all the way thru terminal to LAST boarding gate - FLIGHT CLOSED!!!!

What do I do: start crying, tantruming - will it change anything? NO!

What I do is - stand and take stock of my situation, THINK, walk all the way back thru terminal, out thru security, back to service desk. Book later flight (3 hours later!!!), pay money, then back thru security, buy a chai latte, sit down, BREATHE slowly, gather myself, send a dozen smss and procede to prepare myself for today's meeting and relax......

Without Choice Theory I would have cried, angered, roared at the check-in chick, argued at the service desk. My blood pressure would have been sky high and I would have been stressing about being late for the meeting. And what would have changed - NOTHING. My situation would have been exactly the same - stuck at the airport, waiting for the next flight.

THANK YOU Choice Theory for giving me the strategies to cope with whatever is thrown my way.

NOTE: Later flight was an hour late leaving!!!

Growing with Choice Theory

The following is a growth report submitted by a Basic Practicum participant.  It outlines the growth experienced as a result of the Basic Week and Basic Practicum.

Before Choice Theory, I used to believe that what others did or said was the cause of my hurt and that I could do little about this.  Since doing the Choice Theory workshop and reading several books by William Glasser, I now see this differently.   

Today, I am more inclined to recognize that I am not a victim of another or a situation, and therefore, tend to take responsibility for my perception and for the emotions I experience and then the action I choose in response.  

What I have learned from Choice Theory is that I perceive the real world through my perceptual filters (made up of sensory, total knowledge and value systems) I then compare my quality world with my perceived world, if they match then I experience feelings of satisfaction, happiness, contentment  etc. and am not motivated to change, this is because my needs and wants are being satisfied.   

Should my perceived world not match my quality world, then I have an urge to “behave” in an attempt to get my needs/wants satisfied.  My behavior is made up of four components, feeling, physiology, thinking and acting and I can be doing all four or, if I am spinning my wheels, I am stuck in feeling and need to take action in order to change the feeling.  By learning that this is how the brain works, I have been able to achieve this growth.

Bob Sullo

Jill Bayly sent this email to her colleagues at TAFE in Queensland about her attendance at the workshop Bob Sullo presented on the Gold Coast this week.

I went along to a teacher’s workshop yesterday to listen to a man from the U.S. named Bob Sullo.This was an interesting workshop where I once again connected with the work of William Glasser. Bob is a psychologist, G.O. and student counsellor and works mainly out of the William Glasser Institute U.S.

It was refreshing to revisit skills whereby teachers encourage and inspire students to engage in their learning simply by participation and interaction with their teacher.

I resonated with the idea that we do indeed teach the whole student, both morally and academically and that each and every person working within an education setting plays an enormous part in supporting that student to reach their potential.

Bob spent some time speaking about developing what he called a ‘shared vision.’ I thought this idea was a great metaphor for both our work and with the journey we frequently share with students and staff here at GCIT.

Bob shared with the group his belief as to how the ‘reward of learning is feeling good’ and reminded us to check in regularly with ourselves asking questions such as:

‘What sort of teacher/counsellor/ manager do I want to be?’ 

“And what would the teacher/ counsellor/ manager I want to be.. do in a situation such as this?”

Nothing we haven’t heard or seen before, however as practitioners it can be rewarding to reconnect with the viewpoints that often work to make our hearts sing and our clients happy.

Twelve Hours Sleep

Following a Counselling with Choice Theory session recently, a woman who had been in great pain, slept well for the first time since her accident six months ago.

A three meter fall from a ladder had left her in severe pain with a compression fracture of her L1.  This required her to wear a brace she calls "Lady Gaga".  The fall also set off neuro pain from a previous surgery to remove a tumour.

The accident and resulting pain was impacting on her relationships with family and her husband.  Others wanted to give her advice, telling her what to do.  Her husband was frustrated and angry at the length of time it was taking her to function as she was able to before the accident.

Her medical team, while supportive, was unable to give her pain relief that she felt comfortable with.

 She was feeling unsupported, alone and worthless.

During the counselling session she was able to identify a plan using a metaphor.

She and her husband had owned a yacht and leaving the mooring each Friday evening and sailing up the Broadwater was a refuge for her from an extremely busy work life.

Her plan was to ‘take her sails out of the wind’ when she was faced with criticism from others and to ‘tack away’.

She re-created a strong image of herself in charge of the yacht, hand on the tiller and the wind on her face. The energy shift and the change in thinking when discussing this image was noticeable.

With this plan in place she was able to relax enough to sleep.

A Change in Behaviour

One aspect in which I have recognized evident changes is how I relate to other people. Often I believed that when I strongly supported something my job and duty were to convince others to do the same. And that was all out of best intentions, I swear. Oh goodness, how hard that job was and somehow always resulted in frustration.  Now that I know more about external control, everything makes so much more sense.  How liberating it is to know that no, it is not possible to make others change pictures in their quality worlds, and at times my job and responsibility is to provide information. How liberating that is. Not that I feel less responsible, because the focus is on making sure that the best possible information is provided. However, at the end of the day, the choice and the responsibility for making that choice is somebody else’s.

I am taking some baby steps in this direction, but I certainly feel much more relaxed when I go to meetings for example. I am more and more aware that even though some people may make choices that are not compatible with my beliefs, does not mean that they are bad choices and certainly it does not mean that I fail as a person because they are not commensurate with mine.  

Dijana Sahlibasich, Basic Practicum participant 2010-11

The best and the worst of it !!

In the recent Queensland floods, people were faced with the reality of something over which they had no control.  The first fine day after the torrential rains that brought the floods gave people the sense that the worst was over but in reality the worst was still to come. The inevitability of the rising water hit home as we watched the Brisbane River power its way towards the sea taking with it many large objects including a popular floating restaurant from Coronation Drive.

People have chosen to do different things in the wake of such adversity.  The wonderful response from volunteers has meant that people have been able to face overwhelming clean up tasks with hope and some enthusiasm.  This spirit of support has constantly been reported on radio and on television.

People are meeting, supporting and working with neighbors previously unknown. A bringing together of people in evacuation centres with NGOs and volunteers has meant that people have felt safe and connected at a time of crisis.  

There are of course the other stories as adversity brings out the best in people but also the worst in others.    Looting, scams, rip offs are also part of the scene.  The outpouring of support and action has outweighed the negative choices made by a few.

A lot of heartache and fears still face many people.  Frustration and anger, hope and relief are feelings that will be experienced as people come to terms with loss.

I hope that people look at what they have control over and what they don't and work with the things that they can influence.

Ah The Freedom to STAY me!

Saturday mornings, supermarkets and small children are never a good mix. It’s only a matter of time before someone’s child unleashes a vent of unrelenting fury from an overwrought and unappreciated parent dealing with just too much. Last Saturday, on an unexpected venture into madness, I witnessed another of these surges of rage. What caught my attention though was the look of apparent serenity on the daughter’s face. Her mum had lost control and was spitting missiles and tossing grenades but the girl seemed to have tuned out. “Wow,” I thought, “that is quite a skill.”

It reminded me of a friend who has an overbearing father. He used to drive her crazy. He used to be ‘in her face’, telling her what to do, giving his unsolicited opinion, offering advice on everything. I say ‘used to be’ because I have watched her over the years manage herself to the point he has backed right off. They never had an argument, in fact she has never addressed him directly about it – she just managed not to react, stay on track and gently persist until she got what she wanted. And I found myself thinking, “How does she pull that off?”

Until recently I’d only met a handful of people who would manage to maintain that space. I recall an intense meeting where the stakeholders came with knives barely sheathed and which would have turned into a bloodbath but for the rock solid centeredness of one operator. Despite the accusations, unstated agendas and bath of criticism, he remained utterly untouched. In fact, even better than that he could see through the battle to a position of peace and collaboration. As the meeting progressed his centeredness touched others – rather than the other way round – and drew the stakeholders to a balanced position ready for an alliance rather than a war. The outcome was satisfying but what intrigued me was...”How did he do that?”

Road rage, automated teleresponders, criticism from a loved one, the silent treatment..

I know what presses my buttons. I’ve seen what presses buttons for others

But there are some people who don’t seem to have buttons... is there a way to become one of those?

Because if there is ... just imagine what it could be worth...

What would it be worth to you...

• To be released from the grief of being pushed around by other people
• To be able to remain calm, centred and unflustered
• To be able to protect your boundaries
  ...no matter what others dish up?

I have been on a 20 year quest, to work out precisely how they do that...
I wandered through Jung, Myers Briggs, NLP, meditation, various forms of spirituality, and countless popular psychology books... and then... ¾ of the way though my Doctorate... I discovered someone who embodied this ability, and knew why... she was an instructor of Choice Theory.